Dio decides that no, he doesn't want to kill everyone
by AlithiaSigma
Summary: This is a crackfic. Mostly. Dio ends up fuelling Jotaro's interest in marine biology and claiming that he'll live forever. Of course, the first thing Jotaro thinks of is jellyfish. Kakyoin isn't dead.


**A/N:** This story was inspired by a story where Dio eats a lasagne and decides that nah he doesn't really want to kill all the Joestars. That should tell you enough about how serious it is.

* * *

"The World! Halt time!" Dio crossed his arms as the effect took place, and everything seemed to freeze. He looked at the young man with the green clothes and red hair. He must admit, the young man was quite powerful. When he'd pierced the boy's head with a flesh bud, all he knew was that the young man had a Stand. Nothing else mattered, as long as he would destroy the Joestars once and for all. But neither he nor the Frenchman with Silver Chariot had accomplished the task. Nor had any of his underlings. Time and time again, no matter what they'd faced, they'd been thwarted.

He stepped away from Hierophant Green and its user in a single, graceful leap. One second had passed.

He peered across the rooftops and streets, searching for his target. In retrospect, it was easy, as he was the only being there with a heartbeat, emitting warmed and smelling of blood even in the motionlessness of his secret world of stopped time. Two seconds had passed.

He sprinted across rooftops. His quarry stood still, clearly not capable of full movement, but once he'd come close enough, the young man's eyes fixed upon him. Three seconds had passed.

"I, Dio, know you can see me, Jotaro." Time resumed.

Jotaro took a moment to stop running, his momentum almost flinging him into his enemy.

"You bastard! Star Platinum!" Jotaro summoned his stand, which began punching at Dio with continued cries of "ORAORAORA" while The World stood still, moving its arms to block rather than counter, with its own battlecry. Dio smirked at the irony. Star Platinums attacks were indeed useless. The two stands' strength, speed, and precision were matched, and on guard, The World suffered no damage.

"I wanted to talk to you," said Dio, his face unreadable.

Jotaro's face was equally unreadable, but his words were not. "I'd rather kill you."

In the distance, Kakyoin, Joseph, and Polnareff were audibly confused.

"Fighting me would be useless. No, I have no more intention of killing you here. I have stopped controlling the Stands of your mother and your uncle to consume them. There are safe from my 'curse' as you'd say."

That was probably the most confusing batch of sentences Jotaro had heard anyone say. Dio no longer wanted to fight? Uncle? What? He wondered if it was a trick for a moment, but if it was, it surely was a stupid one. Star Platinum was still relentlessly attacking, and The World was still patiently defending. Jotaro wouldn't let his guard down.

The sounds of the others approaching grew louder. It seems they were trying to find Dio. Dio sighed and snapped his fingers, posing dramatically.

"The World."

Time stopped again. The World touched Jotaro's hand while Star Platinum receded back into its user. Jotaro found himself able to move, The World's contact permitting him. However, he found himself unable to call forth Star Platinum, and close contact with his enemy's Stand was by no means comfortable.

"Come,' ordered Dio, "Or you'll break your own wrist resisting."

To say that Jotaro was hella confused would be an understatement. But what choice did he have?

Five seconds of stopped time was long enough for Dio and his Stand to drag Jotaro inside an abandoned building. All the while, he somehow managed to explain several manga pages worth of information about his time stopping ability, as well as how Jotaro had a "similar" stand to his.

When time resumed, Jotaro found himself in a rare state of "Not as pissed off as he expected to be."

"...You had Avdol and Iggy killed." Jotaro wasn't sure if he was reminding himself of why he was pissed off, or if he was pointing out that Dio was still the enemy.

"And you killed my loyal servant Vanilla Ice, as well as many others, I'm sure." This was quickly becoming awkward.

"You stole my great-great grandfather's body."

"Your great-great grandfather nearly killed me, three times."

Jotaro never really heard that story. He wasn't sure if he wanted to. Dio was weird, and he really only came on this dumb trip to save his mom. He didn't really know, or frankly care, about his family's bizarre past with him.

Joseph Joestar could be heard loudly shouting "OH NO...!" outside, unable to find Dio or Jotaro.

The most awkward of silences fell over them.

"What was it like spending a hundred years under the ocean?" Jotaro blurted out. It was on his mind ever since the crusade began.

"I spent most of it in a coffin, waiting." He paused, remembering. "I did leave once or twice, and devoured sea life."

Jotaro wanted to ask more about the ocean but really, the awkwardness was overwhelming.

"...What do we tell the old man?"

"To not fill me with Hamon would be a good start."


End file.
